How now, fellow; wouldst anything with me?

1 PETITIONER.

I pray, my lord, pardon me, I took ye for my Lord Protector.

[_Reading_.] “To my Lord Protector.” Are your supplications to his

lordship? Let me see them. What is thine?

1 PETITIONER.

Mine is, an ’t please your grace, against John Goodman, my Lord

Cardinal’s man, for keeping my house and lands, and wife and all, from

me.

Thy wife too! That’s some wrong, indeed.—What’s yours?—What’s here!

[_Reads_.] _Against the Duke of Suffolk for enclosing the commons of

Melford._ How now, sir knave!

2 PETITIONER.

Alas, sir, I am but a poor petitioner of our whole township.

[_Giving his petition_.] Against my master, Thomas Horner, for saying

that the Duke of York was rightful heir to the crown.

What sayst thou? Did the Duke of York say he was rightful heir to the

crown?

That my master was? No, forsooth, my master said that he was, and that

the King was an usurper.

Who is there?

Take this fellow in, and send for his master with a pursuivant

presently.—We’ll hear more of your matter before the King.

And as for you, that love to be protected

Under the wings of our Protector’s grace,

Begin your suits anew, and sue to him.

Away, base cullions!—Suffolk, let them go.

Come, let’s be gone.

My Lord of Suffolk, say, is this the guise,

Is this the fashion in the court of England?

Is this the government of Britain’s isle,

And this the royalty of Albion’s king?

What, shall King Henry be a pupil still

Under the surly Gloucester’s governance?

Am I a queen in title and in style,

And must be made a subject to a duke?

I tell thee, Pole, when in the city Tours

Thou ran’st atilt in honour of my love

And stol’st away the ladies’ hearts of France,

I thought King Henry had resembled thee

In courage, courtship, and proportion.

But all his mind is bent to holiness,

To number Ave-Maries on his beads.

His champions are the prophets and apostles,

His weapons holy saws of sacred writ,

His study is his tilt-yard, and his loves

Are brazen images of canonized saints.

I would the college of the cardinals

Would choose him pope and carry him to Rome

And set the triple crown upon his head!

That were a state fit for his holiness.

Madam, be patient. As I was cause

Your highness came to England, so will I

In England work your grace’s full content.

Beside the haughty Protector, have we Beaufort

The imperious churchman, Somerset, Buckingham,

And grumbling York; and not the least of these

But can do more in England than the King.

And he of these that can do most of all

Cannot do more in England than the Nevilles;

Salisbury and Warwick are no simple peers.

Not all these lords do vex me half so much

As that proud dame, the Lord Protector’s wife.

She sweeps it through the court with troops of ladies,

More like an empress than Duke Humphrey’s wife.

Strangers in court do take her for the Queen.

She bears a duke’s revenues on her back,

And in her heart she scorns our poverty.

Shall I not live to be avenged on her?

Contemptuous base-born callet as she is,

She vaunted ’mongst her minions t’ other day

The very train of her worst wearing gown

Was better worth than all my father’s lands

Till Suffolk gave two dukedoms for his daughter.

Madam, myself have limed a bush for her

And placed a quire of such enticing birds

That she will light to listen to the lays

And never mount to trouble you again.

So let her rest; and, madam, list to me,

For I am bold to counsel you in this:

Although we fancy not the Cardinal,

Yet must we join with him and with the lords

Till we have brought Duke Humphrey in disgrace.

As for the Duke of York, this late complaint

Will make but little for his benefit.

So, one by one, we’ll weed them all at last,

And you yourself shall steer the happy helm.

Sound a sennet. Enter the King, Gloucester, Cardinal Beaufort,

Somerset, Buckingham, Salisbury, York, Warwick and the Duchess of

Gloucester.

For my part, noble lords, I care not which;

Or Somerset or York, all’s one to me.

If York have ill demeaned himself in France,

Then let him be denied the regentship.

If Somerset be unworthy of the place,

Let York be regent; I will yield to him.

Whether your Grace be worthy, yea or no,

Dispute not that; York is the worthier.

Ambitious Warwick, let thy betters speak.

The Cardinal’s not my better in the field.

All in this presence are thy betters, Warwick.

Warwick may live to be the best of all.

Peace, son!—And show some reason, Buckingham,

Why Somerset should be preferred in this.

Because the King, forsooth, will have it so.

Madam, the King is old enough himself

To give his censure. These are no women’s matters.

If he be old enough, what needs your grace

To be Protector of his excellence?

Madam, I am Protector of the realm,

And at his pleasure will resign my place.

Resign it then, and leave thine insolence.

Since thou wert king—as who is king but thou?—

The commonwealth hath daily run to wrack,

The Dauphin hath prevailed beyond the seas,

And all the peers and nobles of the realm

Have been as bondmen to thy sovereignty.

The commons hast thou racked; the clergy’s bags

Are lank and lean with thy extortions.

Thy sumptuous buildings and thy wife’s attire

Have cost a mass of public treasury.

Thy cruelty in execution

Upon offenders hath exceeded law,

And left thee to the mercy of the law.

Thy sale of offices and towns in France,

If they were known, as the suspect is great,

Would make thee quickly hop without thy head.

Give me my fan. What minion! Can ye not?

I cry your mercy, madam; was it you?

Was’t I! Yea, I it was, proud Frenchwoman.

Could I come near your beauty with my nails,

I’d set my ten commandments in your face.

Sweet aunt, be quiet; ’twas against her will.

Against her will! Good King, look to ’t in time;

She’ll hamper thee and dandle thee like a baby.

Though in this place most master wear no breeches,

She shall not strike Dame Eleanor unrevenged.

Lord Cardinal, I will follow Eleanor,

And listen after Humphrey, how he proceeds.

She’s tickled now; her fume needs no spurs,

She’ll gallop far enough to her destruction.

Now, lords, my choler being overblown

With walking once about the quadrangle,

I come to talk of commonwealth affairs.

As for your spiteful false objections,

Prove them, and I lie open to the law;

But God in mercy so deal with my soul

As I in duty love my king and country!

But, to the matter that we have in hand:

I say, my sovereign, York is meetest man

To be your regent in the realm of France.

Before we make election, give me leave

To show some reason, of no little force,

That York is most unmeet of any man.

I’ll tell thee, Suffolk, why I am unmeet:

First, for I cannot flatter thee in pride;

Next, if I be appointed for the place,

My Lord of Somerset will keep me here

Without discharge, money, or furniture,

Till France be won into the Dauphin’s hands.

Last time, I danced attendance on his will

Till Paris was besieged, famished, and lost.

That can I witness, and a fouler fact

Did never traitor in the land commit.

Peace, headstrong Warwick!

Image of pride, why should I hold my peace?

Because here is a man accused of treason.

Pray God the Duke of York excuse himself!

Doth anyone accuse York for a traitor?

What mean’st thou, Suffolk? Tell me, what are these?

Please it your majesty, this is the man

That doth accuse his master of high treason.

His words were these: that Richard, Duke of York

Was rightful heir unto the English crown,

And that your majesty was an usurper.

Say, man, were these thy words?

An ’t shall please your majesty, I never said nor thought any such

matter. God is my witness, I am falsely accused by the villain.

By these ten bones, my lords, he did speak them to me in the garret one

night as we were scouring my Lord of York’s armour.

Base dunghill villain and mechanical,

I’ll have thy head for this thy traitor’s speech!—

I do beseech your royal majesty,

Let him have all the rigour of the law.

Alas, my lord, hang me if ever I spake the words. My accuser is my

prentice; and when I did correct him for his fault the other day, he

did vow upon his knees he would be even with me. I have good witness of

this, therefore I beseech your majesty, do not cast away an honest man

for a villain’s accusation.

Uncle, what shall we say to this in law?

This doom, my lord, if I may judge:

Let Somerset be regent o’er the French,

Because in York this breeds suspicion;

And let these have a day appointed them

For single combat in convenient place,

For he hath witness of his servant’s malice.

This is the law, and this Duke Humphrey’s doom.

I humbly thank your royal Majesty.

And I accept the combat willingly.

Alas, my lord, I cannot fight; for God’s sake, pity my case! The spite

of man prevaileth against me. O Lord, have mercy upon me! I shall never

be able to fight a blow. O Lord, my heart!

Sirrah, or you must fight or else be hanged.

Away with them to prison; and the day

Of combat shall be the last of the next month.

Come, Somerset, we’ll see thee sent away.