Outline
Characters
Dreamweaver
[Enter a Carrier with a lantern in his hand.]
First Carrier
Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day, I’ll be hang’d. Charles’ wain
is over the new chimney, and yet our horse not pack’d.—What, ostler!
Ostler
[_within._] Anon, anon.
First Carrier
I prithee, Tom, beat Cut’s saddle, put a few flocks in the point; poor
jade is wrung in the withers out of all cess.
[Enter another Carrier.]
Second Carrier
Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and that is the next way to
give poor jades the bots. This house is turned upside down since Robin
ostler died.
First Carrier
Poor fellow never joyed since the price of oats rose, it was the death
of him.
Second Carrier
I think this be the most villainous house in all London road for fleas.
I am stung like a tench.
First Carrier
Like a tench! By the Mass, there is ne’er a king christen could be
better bit than I have been since the first cock.
Second Carrier
Why, they will allow us ne’er a jordan, and then we leak in your
chimney, and your chamber-lye breeds fleas like a loach.
First Carrier
What, ostler! Come away and be hanged, come away.
Second Carrier
I have a gammon of bacon and two razes of ginger, to be delivered as
far as Charing Cross.
First Carrier
God’s body! The turkeys in my pannier are quite starved.—What, ostler!
A plague on thee! Hast thou never an eye in thy head? Canst not hear?
An ’twere not as good deed as drink to break the pate on thee, I am a
very villain. Come, and be hanged. Hast no faith in thee?
[Enter Gadshill.]
Gadshill
Good morrow, carriers. What’s o’clock?
First Carrier
I think it be two o’clock.
Gadshill
I prithee, lend me thy lantern, to see my gelding in the stable.
First Carrier
Nay, by God, soft! I know a trick worth two of that, i’faith.
Gadshill
I pray thee, lend me thine.
Second Carrier
Ay, when? Canst tell? “Lend me thy lantern,” quoth he! Marry, I’ll see
thee hanged first.
Gadshill
Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London?
Second Carrier
Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant thee. Come, neighbour
Mugs, we’ll call up the gentlemen. They will along with company, for
they have great charge.
[Exeunt Carriers.]
Gadshill
What, ho! Chamberlain!
[Enter Chamberlain.]
Chamberlain
At hand, quoth pick-purse.
Gadshill
That’s even as fair as “at hand, quoth the chamberlain,” for thou
variest no more from picking of purses than giving direction doth from
labouring; thou layest the plot how.
Chamberlain
Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that I told you
yesternight: there’s a franklin in the Wild of Kent hath brought three
hundred marks with him in gold. I heard him tell it to one of his
company last night at supper; a kind of auditor, one that hath
abundance of charge too, God knows what. They are up already, and call
for eggs and butter. They will away presently.
Gadshill
Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas’ clerks, I’ll give thee
this neck.
Chamberlain
No, I’ll none of it. I pray thee, keep that for the hangman, for I know
thou worshippest Saint Nicholas as truly as a man of falsehood may.
Gadshill
What talkest thou to me of the hangman? If I hang, I’ll make a fat pair
of gallows; for, if I hang, old Sir John hangs with me, and thou
knowest he is no starveling. Tut, there are other Troyans that thou
dream’st not of, the which for sport sake are content to do the
profession some grace, that would, if matters should be looked into,
for their own credit sake make all whole. I am joined with no
foot-land-rakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers, none of these mad
mustachio purple-hued malt-worms, but with nobility and tranquillity,
burgomasters and great oneyers, such as can hold in, such as will
strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner
than pray: and yet, zounds, I lie, for they pray continually to their
saint the commonwealth, or rather not pray to her, but prey on her, for
they ride up and down on her, and make her their boots.
Chamberlain
What, the commonwealth their boots? Will she hold out water in foul
way?
Gadshill
She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. We steal as in a castle,
cock-sure; we have the receipt of fern-seed, we walk invisible.
Chamberlain
Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding to the night than to
fern-seed for your walking invisible.
Gadshill
Give me thy hand. Thou shalt have a share in our purchase, as I am a
true man.
Chamberlain
Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief.
Gadshill
Go to; _homo_ is a common name to all men. Bid the ostler bring my
gelding out of the stable. Farewell, you muddy knave.
[Exeunt.]